28-habits of highly likeable people

Likeable people are both charismatic and memorable. They also happen to be highly successful. But, being likeable is difficult. You want to be seen as an agile decision maker, someone with a clear point of view even in contentious situations, someone who is not a "pushover" or too keen to please, and someone who can debate the merits of their proposal. How do you accomplish these objectives while being likeable as well? That's the million dollar question.

As an engineer, I was trained to find the right answer, to be precise. These characteristics made me good at my job; they didn't quite me good in social situations. A good friend of mine once told me that I could be "edgy". She was right; when impatient or upset, my tone of voice would carry a sarcastic edge. When over-worked, I would catch myself getting short with people around me. Left unchecked, these behaviors could have horrendous consequences. At the very least, they could antagonize those around me; in the worst case scenario, people could start to discount my perspective. I had to take stock and change if I were to join the ranks of great communicators who would, like clockwork, choose the perfect moment and appropriate tone to deliver their point of view with maximum impact and minimum friction, regardless of their audience's feelings on the subject.

It was Deloitte Consulting that taught me how to being focused and driven yet likeable, all in the service of being a better communicator to my clients and fellow Deloitte practitioners. Through multiple courses on emotional intelligence, I learned about how being likeable could translate into success at work, result in a long-lasting relationship with my significant other, and help me build life-long friendships. My one regret was that over the years of taking classes and learning through observation, I hadn't maintained a running list of the attributes or habits of people who inspired me. Two days ago, I read an INC article about "habits of likeable people", and the list was comprehensive. I aspire to continue to grow so that I can make each of these one of my habits in the future [link] (highlighting mine):

1. They treat others in the same way they want to be treated. 
2. They give as much as they take. 
3. They create meaningful relationships. 
4. They don't insist that they're right, and they're open to hear your viewpoint. (continued area of focus)
5. They ask questions, instead of making statements. 
6. They listen attentively, and don't interrupt. 
7. They are accountable to themselves and others. 
8. They communicate directly and authentically (not passive aggressively). 
9. They smile. 
10. They ask "How are you?" (and genuinely mean it). 
11. They are empathetic. 
12. They give you their full attention. 
13. They ask "How can I help?" 
14. They hold space for you to become the person you strive to be, but don't judge you for being who you are, or where you are. 
15. They avoid arguments. (continued area of focus)
16. They laugh at themselves. 
17. They are confident, yet have a sense of humility. 
18. They uphold a healthy set of boundaries. 
19. They aren't afraid to give genuine praise to others. 
20. They don't take your power, or give their power away. 
21. They don't complain. 
22. They don't preach at you, or give unsolicited advice. 
23. They don't expect you to be perfect. 
24. They apologize (and don't view it as a sign of weakness). 
25. They want you to be successful and happy (in life and in business). 
26. They don't seek (or need) your approval. 
27. They listen to learn (not to speak). 
28. They like to have fun.

This is a long list and it's hard to embody all these qualities at all times. In fact, I have learned that I cannot always be at my best, despite all the training I have received so far. There are going to be times when circumstances are such that I might get irritated or frustrated. When such a situation arises and I notice a change in my outward demeanor, I have found a few techniques to "reset" myself: a few deep breaths, counting to 10, and walking away from the conversation for a brief minute have all worked well for me. Your coping mechanisms may be different; I suggest that you find and practice them.

To summarize, being likeable will mean that we are more likely to receive that important introduction, get that meeting we want, or close that deal we need for success. And most importantly, when we find ourselves in a situation where we sense that we might not be at our best, we need to know how to reset our composure and regain control of the situation.