I look forward to Wednesdays. I wait with bated breath for it to be lunch time. I have a small jump in my walk as I make it to the cafeteria. My joy at holding my plate full of curly fries is immeasurable. Ten minutes later, I am stuffed with spicy curly fries that I usually wash down with a Coke Zero. Utter satisfaction.
Curly fries are everything the doctor suggests I don't eat. Deep fried potatoes, chipotle dressing - that's a carb and fat bomb! I should get rid of this day then? I do this once a week though and if I stop, I will eventually binge one day and that will be a disaster. No fries were eaten all of 2005 but I ate a plate full on every day of the first week of 2006! Maybe it is time for a repeat performance?! Aliter, moderation might be the real answer - this "poison" won't will kill me if I use it rather than abuse it.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
To Trust Another
Precious and fragile things need special handling
A conversation I had yesterday made me think about men, women and trust. Trust is one of the key threads that binds two individuals. This thread of trust is a tenuous one, that which can snap after a few quick tugs. Once snapped, what ensues is usually a chain of events that makes both parties unhappy while all attempts at restoring the lost trust go in vain. That's the nature of such things, the severing of the thread is permanent.
My friend was at a club with a bunch of his friends on Saturday night. There was a new girl in the group with whom he shared a few drinks. Before he knew it, they had danced the night away and it was time to say goodbye. He found out the morning after that the girl was in a serious relationship with a guy in another city. He couldn't quite get his head around the fact that he had freak danced with her all night and she was committed to another man. He wondered if he could trust a girl like this to be his woman...
Some difficult questions popped into my head after I was done talking on the phone. What did I consider acceptable? Would I do something like this with a woman when I was in a relationship? What were the bounds of this "fragile" trust? Have the rules of being in a relationship changed? Are such occurrences to be expected and tolerated because they are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things? Is this the price we gotta pay for adopting Western ideals? Should I seek a person a tad more conservative than myself?
The one question that intrigued me most was - Would doubt creep in and expose my insecurities if an event like this occurred? As ludicrous as it sounds, I couldn't dismiss this notion completely. And then I found my answer, the one that allayed my own self doubt. If my woman has to go out of our relationship to get any sort of gratification, there is something amiss at the core of our bond. In some cases, the problem can be fixed and I'll do the right thing to fix it. I wish I could say "For everything else, there is MasterCard" but I can't.
So what has all this thinking lead me to realize? In my naive opinion, trust is built via transparent communication. The prerequisite to building a strong relationship if you ask me is being open and honest. If you get those two down, trust will follow. What you do to hold the thread of trust together with your partner is totally up to you.
A conversation I had yesterday made me think about men, women and trust. Trust is one of the key threads that binds two individuals. This thread of trust is a tenuous one, that which can snap after a few quick tugs. Once snapped, what ensues is usually a chain of events that makes both parties unhappy while all attempts at restoring the lost trust go in vain. That's the nature of such things, the severing of the thread is permanent.
My friend was at a club with a bunch of his friends on Saturday night. There was a new girl in the group with whom he shared a few drinks. Before he knew it, they had danced the night away and it was time to say goodbye. He found out the morning after that the girl was in a serious relationship with a guy in another city. He couldn't quite get his head around the fact that he had freak danced with her all night and she was committed to another man. He wondered if he could trust a girl like this to be his woman...
Some difficult questions popped into my head after I was done talking on the phone. What did I consider acceptable? Would I do something like this with a woman when I was in a relationship? What were the bounds of this "fragile" trust? Have the rules of being in a relationship changed? Are such occurrences to be expected and tolerated because they are inconsequential in the grand scheme of things? Is this the price we gotta pay for adopting Western ideals? Should I seek a person a tad more conservative than myself?
The one question that intrigued me most was - Would doubt creep in and expose my insecurities if an event like this occurred? As ludicrous as it sounds, I couldn't dismiss this notion completely. And then I found my answer, the one that allayed my own self doubt. If my woman has to go out of our relationship to get any sort of gratification, there is something amiss at the core of our bond. In some cases, the problem can be fixed and I'll do the right thing to fix it. I wish I could say "For everything else, there is MasterCard" but I can't.
So what has all this thinking lead me to realize? In my naive opinion, trust is built via transparent communication. The prerequisite to building a strong relationship if you ask me is being open and honest. If you get those two down, trust will follow. What you do to hold the thread of trust together with your partner is totally up to you.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Causality
Causality. Action, reaction. Cause and effect.
With the able assistance of animate and inanimate alarms, I have successfully amended my sleep schedule. I would also like to take a moment here to thank those who don't call me late on weeknights anymore - Hi! Being the first in a meeting room waiting for the others to show up is something that didn't quite exist in my scheme of things. The look of surprise on the faces of every person as he walks in to the room to see me sitting there is so amusing that I am going to strive to make this a permanent fixture, if only for morning meetings.
The most productive meeting of 2006 was a 1:1 I had last afternoon. This single instance doesn't change my overall perspective on meetings being the thieves of time. Back to my amended schedule; shifting my hours of operation an hour earlier than before has affected more than just my ability to be on time at work. It has affected a change in my eating habits, has resulted in a coffee craving at 5pm and I am a tad calmer through the day. This might be a good thing to keep going...
I breezed in and out of the Pro Club last night. Spurred on by Arun's usage of a workout card, I got one for myself and started keeping a record of my exercises. Working out with a partner is so much better than going solo because we motivate each other to go the extra step. Arun is surprisingly strong for his weight in my opinion and if he was a little more regular, he'd very quickly lift more than I can. We did just four exercises last night, didn't do much TP at all and it took us 75 minutes to get through our workout - geez, chest is a long workout. Shooting hoops after was the highlight for me. I have no skills in the game whatsoever so any time on the court is time I spend running around picking up failed attempts at shooting a basket. With some practice, I should get better. Soon, I'll be able to say I know how to play basketball like the other "real" sports I play - Tennis, Squash and Cricket.
Our team is having an offsite at Willows Lodge all day today to plan V2 features. I might not have access to email or the Internet all day, which is going to be a mixed blessing. What if the meeting turns out to be a kux? :) We shall see.
With the able assistance of animate and inanimate alarms, I have successfully amended my sleep schedule. I would also like to take a moment here to thank those who don't call me late on weeknights anymore - Hi! Being the first in a meeting room waiting for the others to show up is something that didn't quite exist in my scheme of things. The look of surprise on the faces of every person as he walks in to the room to see me sitting there is so amusing that I am going to strive to make this a permanent fixture, if only for morning meetings.
The most productive meeting of 2006 was a 1:1 I had last afternoon. This single instance doesn't change my overall perspective on meetings being the thieves of time. Back to my amended schedule; shifting my hours of operation an hour earlier than before has affected more than just my ability to be on time at work. It has affected a change in my eating habits, has resulted in a coffee craving at 5pm and I am a tad calmer through the day. This might be a good thing to keep going...
I breezed in and out of the Pro Club last night. Spurred on by Arun's usage of a workout card, I got one for myself and started keeping a record of my exercises. Working out with a partner is so much better than going solo because we motivate each other to go the extra step. Arun is surprisingly strong for his weight in my opinion and if he was a little more regular, he'd very quickly lift more than I can. We did just four exercises last night, didn't do much TP at all and it took us 75 minutes to get through our workout - geez, chest is a long workout. Shooting hoops after was the highlight for me. I have no skills in the game whatsoever so any time on the court is time I spend running around picking up failed attempts at shooting a basket. With some practice, I should get better. Soon, I'll be able to say I know how to play basketball like the other "real" sports I play - Tennis, Squash and Cricket.
Our team is having an offsite at Willows Lodge all day today to plan V2 features. I might not have access to email or the Internet all day, which is going to be a mixed blessing. What if the meeting turns out to be a kux? :) We shall see.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Plan your work, Work your plan
Carpe Diem
Day 1 after being mad at myself for being late: Awake at 8:30 in the morning.
It's not like I can't wake up in the morning - alarms wake me up but the awake state is just momentary. You must think that it's about time I went to the store and bought an alarm. I have four, not counting my computers. I used to have them 4 alarms placed in different corners of the room that I would wake up, turn off and go back to sleep. Playing songs on the computer at the designated time doesn't wake me up. So what wakes me up?
A ringing phone works. I have realized that if I stay awake for ten minutes, I won't go back to bed again. Something about thanking the person who made the effort to call me in the morning makes me wake up and speak to them. If somehow that can last for 5 minutes, I would have jumped out of bed. The rest of the waking up is done making breakfast and/or talking on the phone some more. I did both this morning as I tried to snap out of my sleep induced stupor; here I am, wide awake and raring to go. It will take a few more days before I will fall into a routine but this is a start. A good start - thanks to the two who called me this morning, you know who you are.
Day 1 after being mad at myself for being late: Awake at 8:30 in the morning.
It's not like I can't wake up in the morning - alarms wake me up but the awake state is just momentary. You must think that it's about time I went to the store and bought an alarm. I have four, not counting my computers. I used to have them 4 alarms placed in different corners of the room that I would wake up, turn off and go back to sleep. Playing songs on the computer at the designated time doesn't wake me up. So what wakes me up?
A ringing phone works. I have realized that if I stay awake for ten minutes, I won't go back to bed again. Something about thanking the person who made the effort to call me in the morning makes me wake up and speak to them. If somehow that can last for 5 minutes, I would have jumped out of bed. The rest of the waking up is done making breakfast and/or talking on the phone some more. I did both this morning as I tried to snap out of my sleep induced stupor; here I am, wide awake and raring to go. It will take a few more days before I will fall into a routine but this is a start. A good start - thanks to the two who called me this morning, you know who you are.
Wake Up, Bitch
I spent the entire day extremely upset with myself. An important meeting was scheduled for 9am this morning and my ass rolled into work a little after 11. This is just unacceptable and my tardiness has definitely put a dent in my accountability. First step, sleep early. Second step, wake up early, Third step, don't forget steps one and two. Time for the One, Two Step?
You want to know what makes missing the gym worth it?
You want to know what makes missing the gym worth it?
Monday, June 05, 2006
Communication Breakdown
Communication Breakdown, It's always the same,
I'm having a nervous breakdown, Drive me insane!
Listening to the song on the radio right now. It's over but it has left me hankering for more Led Zeppelin so my Led-Zepp-favs playlist is now playing on iTunes. As the songs play in the background, I am thinking about what has lead to breakdowns with people in my life. It all boils down to communicating with and understanding each other. So what causes the splits? In some cases, we just don't speak the same language anymore. In some others, I no longer want to speak the same language. And then have been cases that intrigue me, the ones where we started off understanding each other but after a while, things just turned sour. Is there a way to know when the laughing is going to stop and prevent it? How can two people so close start to grate on each other like that? Maybe the tears and subsequent separation are inevitable.
Coming to work after a fun-filled weekend is always a bummer. I have got precious little done today and I really don't foresee myself being productive so I'm just going to leave. The gym is a potential destination as is the neighbourhood park. A game of pick-up tennis might get the blood flowing again; I wish I knew how to play basketball though because it's the perfect summer pick-up sport. Gotta make do with what I have and know; time to be positive!
What do you know, the Immigrant Song just started playing. At least the music is uplifting - that's one piece of the puzzle in place. Time to get up and see if the rest of the pieces fall where they should.
Update: I knew I would suck at squash today and suck I did. Sarat beat me 3-1 (the games weren't even close) and then I played two games with Sheri but they didn't count. Good thing I went worked out and got the blood pumping though. Tomorrow will be a better day...
I'm having a nervous breakdown, Drive me insane!
Listening to the song on the radio right now. It's over but it has left me hankering for more Led Zeppelin so my Led-Zepp-favs playlist is now playing on iTunes. As the songs play in the background, I am thinking about what has lead to breakdowns with people in my life. It all boils down to communicating with and understanding each other. So what causes the splits? In some cases, we just don't speak the same language anymore. In some others, I no longer want to speak the same language. And then have been cases that intrigue me, the ones where we started off understanding each other but after a while, things just turned sour. Is there a way to know when the laughing is going to stop and prevent it? How can two people so close start to grate on each other like that? Maybe the tears and subsequent separation are inevitable.
Coming to work after a fun-filled weekend is always a bummer. I have got precious little done today and I really don't foresee myself being productive so I'm just going to leave. The gym is a potential destination as is the neighbourhood park. A game of pick-up tennis might get the blood flowing again; I wish I knew how to play basketball though because it's the perfect summer pick-up sport. Gotta make do with what I have and know; time to be positive!
What do you know, the Immigrant Song just started playing. At least the music is uplifting - that's one piece of the puzzle in place. Time to get up and see if the rest of the pieces fall where they should.
Update: I knew I would suck at squash today and suck I did. Sarat beat me 3-1 (the games weren't even close) and then I played two games with Sheri but they didn't count. Good thing I went worked out and got the blood pumping though. Tomorrow will be a better day...
Friday, June 02, 2006
Blank... Blank...
I can't believe it's 3am already. Today was a day of both mundane and exciting events interspersed among one another. I have found a new reason to go to work everyday (for the time being) and it's finding ways to duck out of meetings X-) Meetings and email are the thieves of time I say!
I didn't wake up till a little past 10:30 this morning. This is a weekday first because I didn't even budge till I finally woke up - no snooze button pressing, no requesting of 5 more minutes of sleep. The squash games I played the night before might have had something to do with why I passed out on the couch around 1am but CRASHING like that till past 10am?
Upon returning from the marathon squash match last night, I spent some time reading about George Costanza on Wikipedia. Needless to say, I was cracking up for the entire duration of time I spent reading about his character, some memorable quotes and the like. The one thing that will stick in my head for a long time is this particular quote:
The pendulum that is my mood oscillated periodically between ho-hum to upbeat all day. I have a hard time motivating myself to workout on days like this and today was no exception and then I had a shot of caffeine. Some tennis, a whole lot of squash drills and a good chest workout left me pretty satisfied as I walked out of the Pro Club a few minutes after closing time.
As I sit here and reflect on the remains of this day, I am glad that I did work out, that I chatted with my family, that I renewed a relationship and that I have begun insulating myself from another. That's a full enough Thursday in my books. To Friday and a weekend of partying then. Hopefully the weather will change - this incessant rain is getting on my nerves!
I didn't wake up till a little past 10:30 this morning. This is a weekday first because I didn't even budge till I finally woke up - no snooze button pressing, no requesting of 5 more minutes of sleep. The squash games I played the night before might have had something to do with why I passed out on the couch around 1am but CRASHING like that till past 10am?
Upon returning from the marathon squash match last night, I spent some time reading about George Costanza on Wikipedia. Needless to say, I was cracking up for the entire duration of time I spent reading about his character, some memorable quotes and the like. The one thing that will stick in my head for a long time is this particular quote:
It isn't a lie, if you believe it.Chew on that for a moment...
The pendulum that is my mood oscillated periodically between ho-hum to upbeat all day. I have a hard time motivating myself to workout on days like this and today was no exception and then I had a shot of caffeine. Some tennis, a whole lot of squash drills and a good chest workout left me pretty satisfied as I walked out of the Pro Club a few minutes after closing time.
As I sit here and reflect on the remains of this day, I am glad that I did work out, that I chatted with my family, that I renewed a relationship and that I have begun insulating myself from another. That's a full enough Thursday in my books. To Friday and a weekend of partying then. Hopefully the weather will change - this incessant rain is getting on my nerves!
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