Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Feelings


I've shied away from expressing how I feel; about situations, people and life in general. People expect reactions from me - exultation, excitement but hardly anyone sees into the inner core. When I started writing updates (what people call a blog), I did it primarily for myself - to give a future me a window into how I felt weeks/months in the past. I don't see how reading about The Looking Glass or what Microsoft did to overcome Blaster is gonna give an idea of what I was feeling when I typed what I did - or maybe it might or it is (since these events occurred in the past) and is open for interpretation. I can't decide but I can sure continue writing about how I feel right now...

I'm listening to a new song by Dido right now - White Flag - interesting lyrics - about breaking up with a person and the emotional aftermath. I've experienced a whole gamut of emotions these past coupla weeks: acceptance after all the job offers, ennui from the lack of things to do at work, excitement and expectation from the impending trip to India, happiness from being around such nice people - the good stuff. As I sit here and type, I can't quite justify the feeling of being alone; though it's been here, ironically, like a loyal companion all along. It's been many years since I had a meaningful relationship with a girl and I'm reduced to now wondering what it all felt like. Could that be it? Two of the guys I hang out with are dating girls now and they are different guys all together - it's a metamorphosis that women bring about in men - nothing else comes to mind - my thoughts are in suspended animation - how do comparisons help?? Maybe this will pass and come haunt me some other day or maybe it'll stay! Maybe it's time I actually went out and found myself a girl...

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