Check-point: 1 month

It's been exactly a month since my return to Seattle. I want to avoid being dramatic but so much has happened in the intervening period that a modicum of drama might creep in. In the spirit of summaries, let me recapitulate the chain of events that prompted this update...

Everything in the States felt bland and insipid on my return. Geni was a different girl, the food tasted funky, the sky was blue and the place was too clean - in one word, ORDERLY. I actually missed the chaos that is an India trip - the weirdness had begun. For reasons that are hard to put down on paper, Geni and I broke up a week later. We have managed to salvage a great friendship out of what could've been a train wreck. And then my squash game tanked...

I haven't won a single ladder match since my return - that's four matches lost, some without even a smidgen of resistance. I think stress at work has some part to play in my performance on the court but it has never been a factor in the past. I don't move on the court like I used to, don't anticipate enough and don't know what shot to play when I eventually make it to the ball. The aggressive, attacking Manoj has given way to a timid, conservative Manoj - and if you aren't a 100% fit, you can't win by just returning balls back - you will tire yourself out at some point. But wait, wasn't I always a 100% fit?

Not anymore I'm not. I've put on a number of pounds since my return, which totally surprises me because most people put on weight in India and lose it on their return. I guess I do defy all norms. The extra weight and the sluggishness on the court have contributed most to my downfall. I don't get to the ball on time so I can't play the correct shot so ...

I remember writing a couple days ago that there were a thousand and one reasons to be sad and only a few to be happy. Well, my cup brimmeth over with sadness right now. I am officially in a slump; mentally, physically and emotionally. Though this isn't the first time this has happened, it's never been this far reaching - maybe with age, slumps get deeper too :) The only silver lining is that I know I can snap out of it with time. How long that takes is anyone's guess...